People Chow

Run, do not walk, to your nearest grocery store to get yourself a big bag of People Chow. Yes, gone are the days of slaving over a hot microwave oven. Now you can get all the flavor and nutrition you can handle from this new, convenient, food-like kibble.

Your life is going to be so much easier than it ever was before. You can throw out your refrigerator, your radar range, and even your microwave oven – they are all now obsolete. Cooking and savoring are a thing of the past.

And when you go grocery shopping you can bypass the old fashioned, fresh fruits and vegetables, as well as the meat and dairy products, and head straight for the People Chow isle. There you can pick from flavors such as “Tasty Tuna,” “T-Bone Delight,” or even “Tooty Fruity Patooty.”

Gone are the days when you had to think about what to make for dinner, or any other meal for that matter. Simply take one scoop of People Chow, put it in your bowl, and eat it all up – every meal, every day, every year, for the rest of your life – won’t that be fun and easy?

People Chow is made from all natural ingredients such as our patented faux meat, petroleum byproduct chemicals, and GMO grain. And it’s fortified with nutritional high-fructose corn syrup.

Be assured that each and every nugget of People Chow contains a full range of nutrients from A to B. People Chow has been scientifically formulated to meet the minimum nutritional needs of your average scarecrow (as in – if I only had a brain). And you can feel secure in the notion that People Chow is 100% complete and balanced because it has been substantiated by AAFCO (the Association for Asinine Food Choice Options).

Yes, buy your month’s supply of People Chow, rip open the bag, and eat it for each of your meals. Don’t worry about spoilage because People Chow’s unique formulation will remain unchanged for years under any conditions.

There are different shapes and textures of People Chow for all life stages. There are “Big Bites” for big mouths, “Little Bites” for the kids, and “Soft Bites” for later in life after all your teeth fall out by the age of 37. And, just one cup of our “Hi-Pro” formula has more protein than 3 cups of green tea!

Remember, once you find the flavor that agrees with you, be sure never to change foods or you might get the diarrhea. And of course never eat real people food ever again because you might explode.


April Fools

(Is your pet a fool?)

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